Bio Sibs

Aaron and Owen's birth mother had another baby last week. Another boy. He is healthy and very adorable. His birth and the announcement of his birth have caused me to think about many things.

The first thing I started to think about is: How many biological siblings will my children have? Luke has 2 that we know of. (We don't have any contact with his birth father, he did say we could contact him through the agency if we needed information from him in the future.) Aaron and Owen now have at least one bio sib, and probably more, if I knew more about their birth father(s).

I know all my bio sibs. I know them well and they are a big part of me and who I am. But when you're adopted that most often isn't the case. I wonder what my boys will think or feel about their bio sibs in the future. I'm really glad I know as much as I do about their birth families, so that if they ever do want to get to know their bio sibs, they might have that opportunity. Luke has met one of his bio sibs, but I'm not sure he really knew or understood who she was. But he will one day.

The second thing I started thinking about is: If they do seek out their bio sibs later, would they have anything in common with them? Would they be well received? What would that be like? Would their bio sibs even know about them? When we started this adoption journey, I just considered the birth parent part of things, but the bio sib thing is also important.

Then I think about: Do I feel so connected to my siblings because I look like them and share all my DNA with them, or is it because we grew up in the same house and share so many things? Nature or nurture or both?

As I've pondered these thoughts, I've come to a few conclusions. (I'm writing this so that later I can revisit and remind myself in case I forget.) Families come in all different shapes and sizes, some have 2 parents some have one, some have 4 parents, some don't have parents--instead grandparents or aunts and uncles, some have step parents or siblings, some look alike and some don't. The thing that makes people a family is their love for one another and their relationships with each other. Of coarse I do believe that Heaven intended an ideal family to be a husband, wife and their own conceived children. I also believe that Heaven planned for our own weaknesses and limitations and that each of us can be happy within our own family--Heaven help us.

As I look at my boys and I see the relationships they have with Mike and I, each other, with their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and all extended family, I really feel like they are getting all that I had growing up (maybe more--definitely more on Mike's side!) and all the relationships I cherish within my family. So I have to think, if they have all their family needs met, then all their feelings and curiosity about their birth families and bio sibs can be explored and addressed when they get there and when they want to. If I give them a solid family foundation, they can build on it.

I love my sons. I love our little family. Sometimes I consider their life without me, but I just can't think about life without them. It's a gift to know the life your children would have had with out you. It's like the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life." I know my boys and the complications that would have impacted their lives had is not been for the miracle of adoption. What a blessing adoption is for all of us.