What to Believe

A month ago, our family had a special day of prayer and fasting for us--concerning the outcome of our potential adoption. It was a powerful day for me. Somehow in the mess of what was going on, I had peace and comfort. Although analitically the outcome seemed hopeless, I knew Heaven was aware of me and I felt loved.

At the end of the day my parents hosted a family dinner at their house. My dad said a beautiful prayer and blessing on the food. After we ate, while the boys ran wild in the backyard and the baby slept, we chatted about the events of the week. My brother asked me, "Jess, what do you think is going to happen? Do you think you'll keep her or loose her?" It was the question of the day, the question we all had in our hearts.

Then 2 days later we got some good news. Then it was quiet for a while. Then last week I got a strange phone call from our county social worker to set up her monthly visit. It was strange because it didn't sound like her at all. Our social worker is a petite woman with a Spanish accent, but this lady sounded larger with a deeper voice and no accent. She claimed to be the social worker and so I set up an appointment. At the time I figured the real social worker was too chicken to call me after lying to me face to face at my dining room table. It kind of made me wonder what her actual visit would be like.

Then yesterday our case manager from our agency came for a visit. (I really like her.) She told me some more interesting news. She had talked to our social worker about another case and brought up our case, asking about the grievance that the great aunt had filed. Apparently the great aunt never filed the grievance, just said she was going to. (Again, who do I listen to?!) She gets 30 days to file it, but to date she has not. So what does that do to the case? Will she file, or is she all talk? If she does file will she win? How much more waiting?

So all day yesterday and this morning I had all this rattling around in my head. All the miscommunication, all the lies and confusion. Who should I listen to? Who should I believe?

But I remembered the answer I gave my brother a month ago. And the answer still stood. I have to have faith. I have to believe that Heavenly Father has a plan. He knows the details of our case, he knows all the social workers, all the relatives, he knows us, and he knows this sweet baby girl and what is best for her. I know this with out a doubt. I have to believe that He'll take care of us. So I do all I can with converstaions, paperwork, appointments, etc. and I pray. And I believe.

Today was the county social worker's visit (the sketchy one). Instead of anxiety, I had peace. Instead of yelling at her, I just talked to her simple and rational about the case. All the prayers were with me. And as we talked for the first time, the feelings in my heart seemed to be coming true in real life. It felt miraculous. She confirmed that we are at the top of the list for keeping the baby (won't it me nice to give her a name?!). Our adoption home study has been pre-approved by the county. Parental right hearing will be in December, official termination in late February. At the December hearing we will be the recommended adoption placement. She doesn't expect the great aunt to file a grievance, but she still has a few days left. If she does file, she doubts she would win. She went through the steps after parental rights are terminated and even talked about finalization happening sometime late Spring, early Summer 2012. It was all very positive and very good.

Pretty great huh. So what do you believe? Well, I say believe in God. Have faith and listen to your heart. Pray for good things and count your blessings.

And tonight we eat pizza!