I just got off the phone with our social worker. The aunt did not get cleared. This seems like it should be good news. But it's not. They are taking the baby and giving her to another adoptive family that has been "waiting longer" than us.
Yes, that's right. They are moving her next week to a new home. To another adoptive non-relative home. I'm so angry! They didn't even consider us because we have not had her 3 months. It's just been 9 weeks. We are short 3 weeks.
I've talked to our agency's director and they have no power over the county. This is county policy.
The county's policy is to take children from perfectly good homes and move them to other homes just because of a list that they created to be "fair".
What's fair to her? To be moved when she doesn't need to be? Where was that family when she needed them 2 months ago?
I'm so angry.
I'm so heartbroken.
What do I tell my boys? Another family gets to have her, not us?
6 comments:
I have no words, but I am so sorry. We will be praying for you.
Jess, this breaks my heart and makes me furious too. Moving a child the first time is hard enough on the baby, moving them a second time when they've bonded with a family is practically criminal. Reactive Attachment Disorder is a very real and very awful thing, and for the county to deliberately choose to put this child at severe risk of attachment disorder is terrible. Babies as young as one month that are removed from their family can develop RAD. Whose best interest is the county looking out for - the adults or the child's? If someone has to be hurt, it should always be the adult, not the child. This plan puts the best interest of the other family ahead of the best interests of the child. It is clearly contrary to the best interests of the child to remove her from your home after she has been with you long enough to bond. I am outraged as well as you. It is absolutely the wrong thing for them to do and they should know it.
Is there a Guardian Ad Litem involved? There should be. Can you contact the GAL and convince him/her that another disruption for the baby is setting her up for lifelong failure? Our daughter was removed from her family at 10 weeks. She only had that one disruption but it resulted in RAD. Your baby will have had two disruptions in three months. She's going to be at incredibly high risk for RAD as well as other problems if they move her now for no good reason.
I'd go to the GAL and let them know this is absolutely wrong and completely contrary to the best interest of the child. Get armed with some info about RAD and make a huge fuss and go as far up the ladder as possible. This is not an insignifant thing they're doing. It's making a mistake that will have lifelong consequences for that baby and it's so wrong.
Laurel
I can't believe this has happened, especially with all that we know about early childhood attachment!!! I am so sorry you and your family have to feel this pain...
Jess, I can't even tell you how mad this makes me. I am so sorry that this is happening to you guys. I was just thinking about how hard it will be for the boys. I have really loved seeing them be so sweet with her. It's been really special to see them become such great big brothers. I am praying for you guys and hope that everything works out okay. It's pretty sad that people lied to you and that they think it's okay to do what they did. You & Mike are amazing parents and I know that Heavenly Father is and will continue to be with you all no matter what happens. We love you so much. Call me if you need me! :)
This is so devastating! Government can be so frustrating because there are blanket rules that can not take real people and specific cases into consideration. Best wishes to you on your fight! We will keep you in our prayers.
your family is in our prayers. i am thinking about you
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