Luke is now 4 1/2 and going to preschool. He is happily making friends of his own. Which is so good and makes me so happy. Until now his friends have been the children of my friends, which leads me to my dilemma. He has a friend who he rides the bus with to and from school. They sit next to each other and just love to hang out together.
Luke would love to have him over to play or go play at his house. Which I think is great. But the problem is I don't know his parents or even where he lives. I finally got the phone number today to call, but I'm wondering what the normal play date protocol is.
Do I just drop Luke off at a stranger's house?
Do I ask to be invited over with him which means I would be bringing 3 boys not just one?
Do I invite his friend over and his parent's?
Do I suggest a mutual meeting spot for a lunch date or dinner date so we can get to know each other?
The bus driver said he has a nanny. So will the nanny have to get clearance to come over?
I'm at a loss here. Maybe if Luke wasn't so little still I wouldn't be so unsure. Perhaps becoming a licensed foster care mom has made me overly concerned about liability and weirdos. Am I making this too hard? Should we have a Family Home Evening about how to act at a friend's house, what to do if you feel uncomfortable?
I'd love to hear how you set up play dates for your children when you don't know the friend's parents. Help me out!
8 comments:
I have the same problem... and just when you think it's solved, they move up grades, make new friends and you have to do the whole thing over again! I would invite the child over for a playdate and let the parents know they are welcome as well. If the child has a nanny, usually you make arrangements with the parents and then the nanny does what they say... each house has a different way though. If they invite Luke over I would ask if you can stay for a while to make sure things go well. That way you can make sure you feel comfortable with him in that situation before you go. Good Luck with whatever you do!
I would invite the friend over with parent or meet at a park. I think an FHE about playing at other friends is a good idea especially to explain that there are different rules at different houses.
Yeah, I have four kids and 12.5 years of experience and still struggle with play-dates. I always start with our house or mutual playground. I don't ever drop one off without having spent time with the family and met anyone who lives in the house. Good luck and have fun. Maybe you can make a new friend too.
looks like you have great suggestions....seems like with the nanny it makes it a bit tricky to meet the parents. I think I'd try to do that first.
So, I've absent from the blogging world for it's been a while. Wow! What a trip you had over the holidays! Playdates are a hard one. I think meeting at the park and getting a feel for the people is a good idea.
You have very wise friends. My suggestions:
1. Never leave your child at a stranger's house. If you don't know those folks, they're strangers.
2. Always encourage your child to make friends and know how to behave. One way to do that is FHE. Another is to invite the family over on a Saturday, or when the nanny is a non-issue.
3. Meet the nanny.
4. Listen to old people who have raised their kids - we made tons of mistakes and have learned from them!
I say meet at the park or somewhere common to get to know each other its scare when they start to venture out. good luck
I was a nanny for 8 years. I almost always made the playdate arrangements myself. Their parents or I always got to know the kids parents a little before we did any inviting. We often had playdates at parks, or we just invited the kids we knew well from school. As a nanny, I found that many parents just assumed I was getting paid to babysit, so we invited kids over a lot, but received few invitations in return. I say invite her and the child over for the first time. The nanny might even become your friend! Many of them are nice Utah girls :) I would say, having known lots of nannies, if the kids play on the weekend, they will be with the parents, but during the week it will be the nanny in charge.
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