One Year Left to Live

My husband came home late from work two nights ago. He just straight out said, "Well it's official, I have one year left to live."

One year. The reality of one year, just how short that is, sunk in. I guess, at least I know how much time I have left? That means one more Thanksgiving, one more Christmas, one more year of birthdays, one year left to finalize the adoptions if they even let us. They will. Washington is a pretty liberal state and they won't discriminate against single moms. Besides I'm the only mom they know, what else are they going to do? Put them in foster care?

I said to him, "Are you sure you can't live just a little bit longer than one year? You will miss the end of football season next year and bowl games. Plus Thanksgiving next year. You love Thanksgiving."

"Well, I guess I could live a little longer. But forsure I am dying before Valentine's 2010."

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by his announcement. He's been telling me for the last few years, "I'm too old for this." and "My body just can't take anymore." He has lived quite a bit--for a 33 year old. And there is the fact that the roof started leaking--again, the car goes into the shop tomorrow for many repairs, and the washing machine died on Tuesday. (Merry Christmas!)

Usually my response is "You had better live at least 20 more years--long enough to get the boys raised and out the door. There is no way I am taking on 3 teenage boys alone with no back up." His response is, "You can always remarry. Besides you'll have my life insurance money you can hire someone to knock them around if you need to." (Not sure about that policy due to the current economy) I follow up with, "If you die now, you'll have Eternal bitterness to face in the next life--because that is what I will be B-I-T-T-E-R, if you die in the next 20 years. Twenty more years Mike, you can and will do it."

I ask him, how will you go? Cancer, rare disease, heart attach, will it be long and painful? Suffering or will it be quick and abrupt? He tells me he's hoping for a heart attach and instant death. We agree, that's the way to go. Bring on the saturated fat, with a side of trans fat. That ought to do it.

I have explained to him many times that he better avoid anything that might cause an early death. This includes dangerous activities like cliff jumping, dirt biking, train dodging, etc. He says things like "What if I get hit by a bus?" I say, "What were you doing in the street with a bus coming? Seriously Mike, PAY ATTENTION!" There are the health issues I keep on him about too. Get enough sleep, remember to eat, and eat right. (Do you have to remind your husband to eat?? I NEVER forget to eat, it's a gift I have.) Don't exercise too much--he is addicted to exercise. Those are his biggies. Eat, sleep--and I can't forget--relax. He needs to relax more--it's a type A thing.

You know the great thing about this one year deadline--haha--deadline, is that I can say things to him like "you know you only have one year left to live, you really should make time for . . . " or "You really need to get _____ done, that's not something you want to leave your poor widowed wife to do while she is raising 3 boys all alone." That's what I will do. I will look at the bright side--guilt and manipulation.

This is the sort of twisted talk that Mike and I have in the evening after the boys go to bed and we feel like there is nothing left in us--no more will left to push on with. The message is we fear loosing each other more than we fear death. It helps us realise all over again how much we really need each other and how much we depend on each other for so many things. Especially a good laugh.

There's always the secret lovers we each have, that's a good laugh. But I'll save that one for another day.