Effort After Happiness

One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is "Don't throw effort after foolishness." It's from a long time family favorite, The Man From Snowy River. I've always thought this was good advice, but as a mom it has even deeper meaning.

At 18, or even 25, if someone who have asked me what I really wanted, or what was important to me, I had some answers and they probably would have been pretty solid. Many of them, I have pursued and spent a lot of time and resources on. The ironic thing is, the experiences I treasure most are those I didn't expect. It's the things life has taught me or rather the things Heaven has put in my path for my growth or understanding that I treasure the most. It's the unexpected that makes my life full.

Perhaps the most recent example of this is a recent conversation I had with a long time friend I ran into shopping. I don't see her often, but she was in town visiting her parents and good friends. We were friends in high school. We went to the same church, same school, had many friends in common, her parents are great people. She is a person who I love and respect. I am always glad to run into her. She asked about my family, my children, adoption, and we chatted. She (who has 5 biological children) asked if I was planning to adopt more. I told her not right now, we are feeling very fulfilled at the time. (haha) Then I said, there is a chance that we could be approached by the county/state to adopt a future biological sibling of Scarlett's. She didn't understand at first. So I clarified, there's a chance that Scarlett's birth parent may have more children they are unable to care for. Scarlett is not the first child her birth mother or birth father have placed for adoption, she might not be the last.

This is where the conversation got interesting. She began to say things that many people might say. (Understandably) How can anyone be so irresponsible? How old is she? Doesn't her family step in? Etc. These are fair questions. Good ones. I have been around this block a few times. So I answered her questions as best I could as her 5 young children stood around her listening.

My heart has been schooled on the subject of people and life by my adoption experiences. Of coarse there is an ideal way to have a family. I believe in that whole-heartedly. I strive for that myself. However, we are all human. We are all limited by our own resources, experiences and backgrounds. We all make mistakes, some seem bad to us (maybe not), and horrible to others. We all have our own social culture. I have never met Scarlett's birth parents. I may never meet them. But I have chosen to dwell only on the positive choices they have made. I think this is in my own personal best interest. I don't know her birth parents. Choosing to paint them as horrible people in my mind only gives me a burden of judgementaltism. I don't think this is healthy for me or my family. Instead, I focus on the following positive choices her birth mother has made. I am grateful that I know about them. She chose life for her baby. She sought out and received some prenatal care despite her limited resources. She went to the hospital to have her baby. She completely cooperated with all the staff and social workers, despite how they may have treated her. She gave out all her personal information, including incriminating information about herself and her family, to the authorities because she understood it was in the best interest of her child. She knew her own limitations and lifestyle and she chose something better for her daughter. She chose adoption.

I love her. I wouldn't know her if I saw her on the street, but I love her. I love her for the good things she has done and the good things I hope she will do. I love her for the blessings she has given to my family.

I can imagine what she might look like, or what she might wear. I can imagine where she might be or who she might spend time with. I don't know, but I can imagine. There was a time I may have looked down my nose at "people like that". But I don't anymore. I don't know them. I don't know their story or all the things they have done, good or bad. Instead it makes me grateful for my life and the blessings that I have been given. And I wish for Scarlett's birth parents the same happiness that I enjoy.

I didn't expect to adopt children. Heaven chose that for me and I chose to listen and follow. It's been the best trail of my life. Bumpy and curvy and completely unexpected. I've thrown all my effort after it and it's made all the difference.